Social Tips For Rednecks

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
4. Even if your certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.

Entertaining In Your Home...

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene...

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.

Theater Etiquette...

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings...

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

Driving Etiquette...

1. Dim your lights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Dating (outside the family)...

1. Offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 P.M. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.